If your are reading this in search of a method to find a better mate, stop, you will have to search elsewhere. Here I will only mention very few human courtship behaviors. I am more into analyzing the behavior.
But to make your visit worthwhile, I will suggest you two books, to get a better date.
1. Undercover Sex Signals: A Pickup Guide for Guys by Leil Lowndes
2. Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love By Allan Pease, Barbara
Warning: I am using or analyzing facts and I am not trying to be politically correct. In fact you may find that I am stating things plainly as it is and the blunt language may not be to your liking or may be even revolting to you. Proceed with caution.
OK, let’s start,
In evolutionary and biological terms females are more important, sorry guys. The only job for male is to provide the male sperm, and in some cases necessary nourishment (as in black widow spider). It was not much different in humans, but like most mammalian groups they have the additional burden of providing security and protection of the females and children and in procuring some additional nutrition (especially proteins- meat).
What is females’ job then? Perpetuation of species, that is, reproduction and rearing of children. As that will take majority of their time, females only want strong kids, kids who can survive and become mature adults to continue the species. So the best way to produce better kids - select better mates. So it is the females who will decide whom to mate with and is not different in human species too. Then why you see arranged marriages and such sorts? I'll explain.
A female, as I already told, is looking for the best mate available. Who is the best mate? A mate, who has the strength to protect her and her kids. Ability to procure food for her and her kids is an added advantage especially when it comes to human species. And this is an inborn character. Any normal female, on seeing a male, evaluate his potential to be a mate either consciously or subconsciously.
So when she sees a potential mate eligible she responds to get pregnant by him. She does it, if and only if, she is in a position to get pregnant. Suppose she is already pregnant or has a male whom she thinks is better, she may not react, but she evaluate none the less.
If she finds him good enough, if she thinks he has resources, she will start to woo him by sending signals, suggesting she is available. And if he responds appropriately the courtship starts and if he is good enough, they will marry.
What about the man? He too is looking for a potential mate to spread his genes. He is looking for a healthy female who can carry his young in her womb. But given a chance, any female will do because of the advantage a male got; he can copulate anywhere, any time. And most of the time he do not have to bother about the upbringing of the child, for that is the females' job. And if a man wants resources, it is only because women prefer only men with resources.
So here is a conflict of interest. A female want a man who is strong and have or can get resources and is willing to invest in her and her kids while a man just need a women to carry his genes.
So if a man play his cards right, he will get to mate with a female.
And the game with which man and women sends signals at each other indicating their availability and willingness for mating is called courtship gestures.
Now, some totally unrelated stuff. If you put sodium (Na) into water(H2O) it will catch fire and becomes sodium hydroxide(NaOH), commonly called lye or caustic soda. Wherever you do this, on the moon or outer space or here on earth, you will get the same reaction. But if you put sodium in kerosene you will not get thus reaction.
Similarly wherever there is males and females the same courtship gestures take place. If any step goes wrong, nothing will happen. If all the steps are right, it will culminate in copulation, just like a giant chemical reaction. The males and females take part in these gestures does it unconsciously most of the time. Even if it is conscious, it is under the influence of the same primordial instincts.
A bacteria search for food based on the chemicals emanated by the food or may devise mechanisms for it to get lodged in its food (like a bacteria infecting a human). Animals search and find food based on more stimuli. So in addition to chemicals it may be sound or vision. Mates are found almost the same way. It is the sight and smell of the females that excite the male. It is the same in humans too.
A female on seeing and interesting male steal glances at him. A typical male is slow to pick up and she may have to repeat it three to five times. When see is sure that he noticed she will give a small smile. If the man fails to acknowledge by looking at her, she will think he has no interest and drop him. If the man returns the smile she will smile more and then he can approach and talk. If the carefully choreographed dance takes place eventually they will get together, if there is a break in any of the steps, then no.(By the way, these are not the only signals and each signal in itself carries no meaning. Do not blame me if you are slapped by a female when you went and asked her for a date when you saw her looking at you.)
If females are this good then why there is arranged marriage or forceful marriages? Because men are stronger and more powerful. Men want more resources and friends to get more resources. He also needs more mates. A look into a lion pride makes matters more clear. A lion pride is made up of a group of females who are the permanent members. The males will always change. As males want hunting grounds and mates, he will defeat the existing male and take over the females which will ensure food and mates. But sometimes he alone may not be able to do it. Hence he makes life long alliances with other males and share food and mates.
Similar is the case with man. He has no use with his daughters as he cannot procreate with them (though there are instances where men married their daughters or sisters, like in powerful men in ancient Egypt and some other places, it is very rare). But by giving females to powerful men he can get or keep allies thereby getting more mates and other resources. So here we are acting more like animals who have to survive in more difficult terrain.
What about the "sacred love" the divine emotion?
It is the same. If what we see patterns the inborn pattern it will trigger the release of some chemicals and we feel the sensation of love. We we have a very dose, we call it love at first sight.
So when we analyze closely our own behavior, it becomes clear that we behave just like other animals. All the animal behavior is just a chemical reaction as explained. Just like a bacteria navigates itself to the stimuli of its food, we too, to navigate ourselves based on the same/similar stimuli. There is a difference though, we brag about our intelligence. We pride ourselves in having “free will”. But we have no free will. Our behavior is determined by our brain structure, which in turn is determined by the genes and the surroundings in which the brain developed. We just act and react to the random circumstances we happen to be in and to satisfy our ego, we boast we have free will and we live intelligently. But in truth, we are just chemicals that move around on the face of the earth.
